Dear Guy Who Works In That Department I Used To Work In,
I’m pretty confused right now. I saw people decorating for a baby shower yesterday afternoon and I wondered whose it was.
See, there’s the gal that sits over by the copier who is pregnant, but she’s still a few months away from baby shower time. I also wondered why your department was decorating when that gal works in a different department.
I also saw the baby’s name on the door. Indigo? That isn’t a name, that’s a color. And if it’s a name, it’s a girl’s name. I also saw the baby’s middle name. Aaron? Someone named a poor little baby boy Indigo Aaron? That kid is going to get the tar beat out of him on the playground. Also, heaven forbid the child’s favorite color be blue. Then I saw that the baby was born in December, which was two months ago. I started to wonder.
I just saw all the balloons at your desk, so I guess the baby shower is for you. Now, you’re not married. And you’re not at that life partner stage either. So I can only assume that poor, unfortunate baby Indigo is your nephew. You don’t get a baby shower for that.
Remember when you were a kid, and it was your sibling’s birthday, but you got a present too so you wouldn’t feel left out? That policy expired about 25 years ago. You are a grown up. You don’t get to feel left out about parties anymore. I hope you get practical things, like diapers and a breast pump.
And, if there’s a new policy that when you get a niece or nephew you get a shindig… where the hell is mine?